There seems to be a status quo of believing that a child can never understand how parents arrive on decisions made for the benefit of their kids. Its the one line every parent uses to shut down any form of disagreements; and it could sound like this:

“One day when you become a parent yourself, then you’ll understand”.

But I don’t want to wait till then.

While in certain cases there are instances in which a child may not have the capacity to understand the wisdom behind every decision a parent makes, and I do accept that not every parent is born with the eloquence of diplomatic speech; depending on whichever phase of life a child or parent is in, both parties need to make significant effort in bridging the communication gap.

I am no parent yet; so my opinions might skew towards a bias of the kind of parent I want to be one day. At a certain degree I could relate to protective decisions made our of fear; the fear of not being liked; the daunting thought of preparing kids for the unknown future, and sometimes the blissful ignorance of thinking we’re relatively OK more than we really are. Unfortunately nothing of these thoughts would waive all the challenges when one steps into the role later on in life.

There is one ideal I’m trying to live in the now. Its the ideal of being a child to a parent. Its the ideal of breaking vicious cycles and guarding the family unit. At the end of the day, I suppose there are things that are beyond our control. But the best we can do is to create the environment for growth and love to happen rather than trying to fix broken parenting or trying to create perfect children in the future.

I’m still working on trying to improve my childing skills.

No title would describe this post with more clarity than this.  It is the first post of the year and like any other year, I am obligated to dedicate number 1 to the prologue of what seems like a step closer to the person I would want to be.

I remind myself that we would most certainly be always wiser in mind than we really are in conduct; and this calls for much grace and grit to even go through 2011 with much significance. I feel less pressured by ambition this year. Maybe its because I formulated a rather simple philosophy of trying to perfect the basics of everything as the next step to mastery in most things. Its really odd for me to be working backwards, but its probably the best thing for now; mainly because the older I get-I become less flexible to unlearn the old tricks done the wrong way.

I just bought this and it totally rocks.

My recent trip to Singapore was awesome. Though it was a tight one and I didn’t get to cover a much places as I wanted to, it was definitely quite enriching and a refreshing one. (maybe because I didn’t go alone this time, or didn’t have an agenda or schedule to strictly keep to). I do regret that I didn’t bring along a camera, tho hopefully I can get my travel buddies to pass me some of the photos for some great keepsake memories.

I woke up this morning trying to remember when was the last time I was really felt afraid. Or at least an overwhelming sense of suspense in fear that the decisions I am about to make have the risk to attract disfavor towards my side. Every recent event that crossed my path seems to be processed with immense amounts of calculated risks and analysis before proceeding with action. While that in itself sounds like a viable choice to live, I somehow loathe the serene complacency that precedes after that. Its like cowardice cloaked in superficial ‘wisdom’.

I like fear. It gives me the opportunity for courage, it makes me try harder, it pushes me to be resourceful with the little that I have out of my inadequacy. It turns a broad easy path of nothingness into a narrow road with only one way to either push forward or sit at your knees and give up trying. Its time to go tip-toeing on a thin icy lake to go fish for some trout. 

One of the reasons I keep staying up late these days, is because I really need to salvage some quiet moments. Some brief reflection before bed is something I cherish, tho what I miss now is those conversations over dinner that drift for hours without having any agenda to worry about thereafter.

I’m sitting in my cubicle sipping caramel tea right now. It does smell so much worst than it sounds, but once you get the gunk in your mouth it ain’t that bad. I finally begin to understand the huge commitment it takes for one to eat durian. Its when you have muster enough courage and take a big risk against your olfactory senses which tells you what kind of gross that you’ll probably have to put up to in your mouth. Then again, all these becomes irrelevant when one faces dire starvation.

Sharing the gospel to the affluent does feel very much the same way. No rational can birth the appeal of God’s love; because it doesn’t exist in the mind other than an impression of a religious and legalistic concept. You don’t feel love by understanding its concept. In fact, how many times do we kill love by applying pragmatism to it? At some point, you have to take a plunge.

Maybe I’m still into it because deep inside, despite me not understanding so many things and at the same time have so many reasons to find the gospel incomprehensible; there’s still some hunger for the truth. And I suppose its a good kind of hunger.

Clearly I must have mistaken my position in the classroom. The definitive title as a tutor is merely an obligatory role for me to offer advice and bring clarity through my area of expertise. But within a classroom itself- feeding off the sum of the 30 odd minds charging an atmosphere of creative effervescence; no matter how unpolished or naive I think they might be, I find myself at the seat of the student more times then ever. I might prepare them for what the future may hold, but they in return- show me how the future looks like.