Today, is for tomorrow.

Its just funny how we sometimes encourage ourselves for the great days that lie ahead of us by tagging some sort of significance to the events that happen today. I’ve just read that the term apophenia, is used to describe the tendency for one to form patterns out of random events; like staring at random number plates to predict the next winning 4D number.

like some would say: Owh no worries. God has a purpose behind everything. Ya know?

I just came back from my Dean- the late Ms. Veronica Ho’s funeral. The very moment the news came by it was almost too hard to believe. and just as much as every memory and thought about her started gushing in my mind like a mental tsunami; the echoes of her voices and every word spoken torrents with weight that was suddenly so much more stirring compared to any normal day if she were to live on. What seemed to be funny about the way she inserts melodramatic words such as “enriching”, “quantum” and “holistic” into every sentence and prior to every noun that follows; suddenly feels like it is the most appropriate in most times. For what else should she invest her thoughts in at such dire situations other than the positive?

The “why didn’t I see it before, suddenly everything makes sense in hindsight moments”- brews in us all almost a moment too late. Or what if our days are the other way round? that today ends, as it is for what is done today, closes the yesterdays?

I don’t know. Its probably really hard to pinpoint the purpose of today. Sometimes you hope how you respond today will help you reap a positive future, some way or another. But in either way; whether today forms the purpose left for the past, or today being the reason for a future worth looking forward to; Comes from the same catalyst named tragedy.

Suppose we believe in a higher Power of some sort and it comes to a point of faith; where all the good things are attributed to Him, the unknown committed to Him, and the bad things remains a mystery until revealed through our religious apophenia. Have we committed ourselves into some certain kind of irrational insanity called Christianity?

Or suppose that I rather believe in the cosmic chaos of the universe; where by everything happens by random chance. Everything is meaningless unless being rationalized, but remains insignificantly purposeless at the grand scale of things, where by its merely humans being the only unique species redundantly overexercising their intellect compared to every creature on the planet. Which is more sensible in answering the tragedies we face today?

Townplanners and Roadbuilders would tell you this. If you were to construct a freeway across vast distances from point A to point B, it must never be built in a straight line. tho it sounds more efficient to do so; drivers might loose concentration traversing a mundane and long straight road without any obstacles (aka intentional curves built) along the way. It is by those curves that somehow, keeps one preoccupied, making the road more functional in a humanistic way.

Maybe somehow, tragedy is somehow those “curves” in the freeway of life. the one that makes humans, humans; and to keep every thinking man, conscious of their own significance in the world. Of course people still crash along the way; but to think that cosmic chaos placed those “curves” there, its hardly convincing.

Its sometimes a tough call to believe in a mystical force. But if you peel away all contemporary theologies, doctrinal controversies, positive thinking, mental mojo and words of wisdom to come back to the basics of what just the Bible says- “that all things work out for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose”, and as Paul said “I know Whom I have believed, and am confident that He is able to keep what I’ve committed to Him against the day”. It is quite enough- for an answer that overrides all elaborate answers to counter tragedy.

Today is still worth it, no matter what the tomorrow is.

Fightings & 5 things.

If there’s anything that ‘s bothering me right now, its gotta be this unruly feeling of wanting to want nothing. There are things that you don’t always think about the reaping when you’re trying to sort out the sowing; because there’s always this haunting of how life can make every reward disproportional in the most disappointing manner.

Nevertheless; This feeling seconds waking up every morning oblivious to your alarm and obligated to your daily drudgery thinking life is always somewhat incomplete living in the now.

So I’m trying to avoid 2 extremes of wantings. Here’s 5 want-things (in no prioritizing order); not to small to be totally self dependable, but not too big that its incapacitating:

1) A trip to New York.

2) Be organized.

3) Receiving the best.

4) Getting good rest.

5) Be punctual.

We're all designers of our own context.

Well, I’m back from the movie, and me writing a review of the show within such a short time could mean that it rocked so hard I’m catching my entire trail of thoughts about it by its tail before it slips away to oblivion; or it sucked so bad I’m now spewing my entrails over its nonsensical attempts to tug my heartstrings.

Either way; I think you should refrain from reading further if you find it more pleasureable having a first hand experience of the movie. But I think most wouldn’t understand what in the world I’m saying anyway if they haven’t watch the movie.

I have no comments about the plot except that I feel that it was pretty fun. Contrary to what some of them thought about the film, I didn’t think that it was being “real” at all. But the thing was, it was definitely a different kind of surreal, because it just successfully bridged some form of emotional escapism through a very believable slice of life. And that is the funnest part of all. To be able to engage people to paint a scene of their own experience that is too elementary for their own imagination to express.

Art, film, (and greeting cards for that matter) only does 30%. The other 70% of experiencing human expression being materialized, is purely designed by ourselves trying to put it into context. Thats why the love or hate of this movie is relative; because its purely relational.

From the insecurity, to the silence, to the awkwardness, to the mystery of tomorrow’s infatuated mojo, to the uncanny feeling of fleeting superiority, to the 3rd person witness of lovestruck stupidity and to the crushing bitter feeling of self induced salt-rubbing over raw wounds with the sugarcoated memories of what used to be- was described too elegantly and seamlessly intertwined to our own experience; its hard not to masochistically engage to something that opens our mind to recall our own context of personal “good old times”, only to realize those pleasant memories that we desperately try hard to keep (because thats all that’s left); are also the ones that remind us of all that we’ve lost.

Emo, no? I heard a few sobs at the back. I enjoyed every bit of it; from the art direction, cinematography, motion graphics, character development and very witty lines. So if you’re into those kinda stuff, its worth the watch. The writers managed brilliant sarcasm that was intentionally placed throughout the film like hidden nuggets of gold- from the nuclear family ideal to the entertainment industry. What can I say. Its an enveloping experience of good craft and wit dressed up beautifully for a good evening out together; I almost dated the movie and left everyone else back at the cinema:P

Channel me a Deschanel.

2 more hours to the next 2 with anticipation. My preconceived notions of Zooey has always been that eccentric yet pleasantly charming persona- Not quite an enigmatic Johnny Depp yet, but nevertheless not your mainstream predictable lass. You could either dismiss her as being closed, or find yourself sinking helplessly into those pair of vortex eyes reeking with a mesmerizing enclosure of deep, mystifying intelligence.

From 5400 seconds long more a bummer to 500 days of summer; I’m just bored out of my socks right now. Z

Jealousy, in retrospect.

I find my perspective of this green eyed monster being challenged recently. I could never understand why people could consider jealousy being a “natural” feeling to be apprehended, because if its so; would that mean that not feeling it naturally means that I’m either in some way, flawed; or perhaps maybe- impervious to such a vice?

It can’t be true. the former belittles my human nature, while the latter exalts it by epic proportions. Rather than setting myself up for a witch hunt, by the grace of God- through a series of lessons He dispelled my own myth about this creature.

I always thought that jealosy is this envious feeling of wanting from others what you don’t have. Pyyyaaaat, big sound from the giant buzzer. Jealousy only happens when you perceptually level something to be a equal contender of something you desire exclusively.

Suppose that I met Bill Gates. Or Orlando Bloom. Or Rain. Or the mighty Megatron. I don’t think I will ever get jealous of them even if they’re rich, handsome, charming or having a giant fusion cannon on one hand. And no matter how much I would like those from them; in no way that I would even bother coveting those from them. Now if the local goat-milkman happens to fall in love with the same girl as me. Or the forest troll that walks out of the park with an award winning portfolio to apply for the same job. Thats when the true test comes in.

Its the people you put in the same social status with that jealousy kicks in. You only suffer the bitter sting of insecurity when you perceptually put youself with equal contending level with your competition. Forget Gerard Butler- he’s too hairy; or Megatron- he’s too big to walk your gal down the isle. Its the girl next door or the boy living at the same neighbourhood. Its those that you see equally competent, equally capable, resourceful, favourable and threatening in robbing your deserving prize away from you that you will be jealous about.

2 ways we could deal with it. One is to perceptually belittle the threat till you see them as mere grains of sand that got trapped in your underpants on a dusty Malaysian afternoon. After all, at the end of the day- there is hardly any stress involved in fighting for a block of cheese with a churchmouse. Another way; is that we stop setting our eyes at ground level. Knowing that God watches everything and everyone from above. If we believe that every good thing comes from above; and every temporal gift down of earth is only in a way, “loaned” to us.

That; the looking unto the supernatural, I believe- is the best way to deal with the “natural” jealous nature for now.