I owe myself a long-smooth quiet drive back home today.

There’s always something sacred, something serene about the dark un-lit roads of Ara Damansara that I enjoy strolling about pointlessly while I do some reflection. I know that if my mind were to go through my “to do list”, I would feel utterly disappointed  with myself of how far I am in completing everything in spite of all those tight deadlines; so I resolved in not thinking about that. Instead I had to pull myself out a little to reflect about the things that would define the memories that would carry me in the long haul.

20 days to another 365 that would just might end like today. I asked the Lord about how to not love my life too much but yet still want the best out of it, for the year to come. It was again a naked moment of just recalling me as being me, and whether I am comfortable with that… without bringing in anything; my career, my family, my finances, my friends, my likes, my goals, my statuses, my popularity, my ministry. Am I going to be most satisfied, without having any of those glorified?

It sometimes feels hard to detach myself from all of that  and saying “it is enough, and well with my soul”. Maybe because life envelopes around all that our hands do, or eyes see and our heart feels, and less of the simplistic wonder of “being” and how the Lord already takes pleasure in that.

Maybe 2010 should be a year of “being”. its nots always about putting another agenda, seting a number on the weighing scale, or a figure in my bank account. Its not about settling who to potentially date, what position to take, or who to please. But its not about drifting around que sera either. after all, life still revolves around results, and bearing good fruit.

Maybe its about building the part of “me” that will be stepping into heaven one day. I can’t bring anything else on earth there except the nakedness of the “me” I can only see through a little introspection.

Maybe in 2010, that which I now call “me” needs to be better.