Alain de Botton says that its easy to be skeptical about things that do not fundamentally sustain us.

1. It seems that these days I thread idealism with care more than usual not because of the lack of faith; but because most of the times assurance based on gathered facts is more of a conjuration of one’s mind that it is an objective certainty. I wonder if I were to be able to put all eggs in one basket and risk it all than to commit to divergence. Romantic fatalism or the “no plan B” theory? I don’t know.

2. All hard decisions, I left unmade for now. In relation to the statement above, I wonder how my life would be at survival mode. I had a window seat in the airplane to Penang; I enthusiastically looked out of the window only to see this huge propeller rotor blade rotating vigorously in its place; and coupled with the roaring sounds produced by such a light passenger aircraft, It generated an unrealistic fear of the possibility that this instrument might:

come out of its place,

breach the titanium plating of the craft walls,

make a clean cut through the passenger cabin,

and effectively slicing some appendages off me.

Suppose I were to die, that would definitely be in favor of me. But what if I come out of this horrific mishap bludgeoned but alive? Would I then perhaps, live life with such reluctance and hesitation as I would be right now, merely by the blissful believe that I have (almost) nothing denied from me at this point? Who am i deceiving myself for such prideful thoughts anyway.

3. Over a casual conversation about the people that interests me, I noted that they must have at least an interesting character… In a positive light, of course.

- I remember Stendhal in one of his quotes, “A man can acquire anything in solitude except character.” and this “character” can only be defined by the way one treats another being totally separate from themselves. Interestingly a person’s strength in character is proportionate to the amount of love they invest to the people that mean the least to them. Well, at least that’s how I see it anyway.

4. Coercing willingness is an irony that we all practice in desperation. “Can I make you to be willing to care?”. But then without this coercion; will there be any opportunity for the discovering of desires that lay dormant?  

5. The whole much of June was an intermission before I was hit with the exhilarating thrill of what is to come for the next 6 months. It was a thrill of uncertainty; and though its not the most secure feeling I hope it would be (as I thought that all resolutions and expectations of the year should begin to take shape and begin to account its fruits already by mid year)- Instead it just swept me with many abrupt decisions that call itself to be made. 

Jah.